Sunday, July 22, 2012

Short Story Chapter 5

Here's my fifth installment of Tech- nesh. One more to go. Chapters 1-4 are in my earlier posts. thank you for reading it and thanks for the great comments! 


            Without a thought for his own life Ben pulled the taser gun out of the glove box and quietly got out of his car. The right plan of action flowed into his mind like perfection only can. The murderer just twenty steps in front of him. For the first time in his life he felt strong and fearless. Her alabaster face sat at the back of his mind, empowering every step. Closer and closer he crept like a panther for it’s pray. Now only a few feet separated them. But then, Ben’s foot falls betrayed him. The man turned, and seeing the weapon in Ben’s hand, took a defensive stance. They both took a second to appraise each other. The killer was a head shorter than Ben but twice as wide and from the quickness of his step and the muscle tone in the arms that were raised in defense, this man clearly knew how to fight. Seeing this advantage too he charged at Ben.     
            Ben triggered his weapon. Cords shot out and imbedded into the shadowed assailant’s chest. He thrashed convulsively to the ground. A thrill shot through Ben as well; phase one of his plan was complete. He bent down to lift the unconscious man.
            Arms and shoulder screaming with exertion, Ben finally reached his car with the heavy culmination of all his efforts. His heart was pounding with exhaustion but mostly pride for keeping Stacy safe.  I did it, he thought, triumphantly, struggling to open the trunk with his free arm. His strength failed him just then and so did his jubilance as the body flopped off his shoulder and missed the open trunk, hitting the fender and then crashed to the pavement. The crunching sound of scull against asphalt turned Ben’s stomach. He willed his muscles to lift the man again.
            Something looked strange about the neck as Ben finally hoisted the body into the trunk but because his eyes were partially closed from the strain of the job, Ben didn’t notice. He glanced around to see if anyone saw the clumsy scene he had just created. No one was in sight. Satisfied with himself he shut the door and climbed into the car. As he pulled away from the curb and down Stacy’s street Ben recounted his plan to himself. It would all be over soon he thought exultantly. He could feel himself transform into a better version of himself as his mind drifted off into his future, to a hopeful moment where he could finally confront Stacy; not as a pathetic, lonely computer tech/stalker but as the man who saved her life.

to be continued.... 


  1. Dang! I want to hear what happens next, and I want to hear it now! LOL The story is getting more intense, dark, exciting. Ben-the-cyberstalker is heroic, yet I try & keep in mind that he has a creepy side.

    One thing I would consider -- giving us something from Stacey's point of view. What's she like? Does she suspect anything is going on, such as feeling like she's being watched, etc? She is one unlucky chick, having 2 strange guys obsessed with her. Yikes! ;-}

  2. I love your choice of words in so many parts of this story. For example, "Ben's foot falls betrayed him", "the heavy culmination of all his efforts", "the crunching sound of skull against asphalt". Very descriptive and to the point, but not in a common way. I am very excited to read how this story ends.

    Just awesome!!!!

  3. THANKS LADIES!! Your thoughts mean the world to me.
    Nikki, I totally agree with you about Stacy. Ben's narrow existance limits the naritive. and though it is sad that you get to know so little of her there is a purpose behind it.

  4. I know what you mean. In the novel I'm working on, people would wonder why I did something a certain way, but there's a purpose to it that can only be revealed later. I understand. I'm sure you have a unique concept in your head, and we're enjoying watching you reveal it to us bit by bit. So, go at your own speed and do it your way, and we'll enjoy it as it comes. :-}

  5. Your the best, Nikki! I just hope that everything in my head comes through to the reader. And if not I'm here to answer any questions. Boy sometimes I wish I could talk to the writer about some books I've read.